Stop setting yourself on fire to keep others warm

"Stop setting yourself on fire to keep others warm"

These words hit me deep, deep down in my soul. I used to be the person who would burn myself out, using my energy to keep others comfortable. I didn’t need to be asked – I would happily offer myself up for this purpose, believing it was my responsibility. You might be wondering why. Or perhaps, like me, you’ve felt this deep urge to keep others "okay," even at the cost of your own well-being.

For a long time, I believed that if I could help others avoid pain, I could prevent them from feeling the same cold I had felt. I’ve been hurt, and I wanted to protect others from that hurt, even if it meant sacrificing myself.

Inside, though, I felt broken. An empty shell. I didn’t feel good enough or worthy of love, care, or attention. I desperately wanted to be liked, so I set out to prove I was "nice" and "likable." I wanted to be seen as a good person. I convinced myself that if I did good things for others, they would see me as a good person – that they’d want to be around me.

And it worked. Every time I did something for someone, their appreciation felt like a sweet reward. It was exhilarating to receive gratitude, and for a moment, it filled something inside me. But that feeling never lasted long. It was like an addiction – the more I gave, the more I needed to give, because deep down, it never felt quite enough.

But eventually, somewhere in all the "doing good" – the volunteering, the acts of kindness, the constant need to please – something shifted. It stopped feeling good. I began to feel lost, disconnected from myself. I couldn’t remember who I was or what I was doing it for anymore. People seemed to like me, but I couldn’t believe it. And so, I’d cry into my wine glass, convincing myself that I wasn’t really a good person, and that if others knew the real me, they wouldn’t want to be around.

I began to feel like a monster. Not because I was one, but because I had spent so much energy becoming what I thought others wanted me to be that I lost myself in the process. The burn-out was real. Beneath the layers of pretending, I couldn’t even recognize who I was anymore. No matter how many people told me I was kind, I couldn’t believe it. I was trapped under the mask, only seeing the monster I thought I had become.

The truth is, trying to please everyone didn’t make me feel good about myself. It didn’t make me like myself. It was time for change.

If this resonates with you – if you’ve ever found yourself sacrificing your well-being to please others – I invite you to take the next step. Let’s work together to uncover who you are beneath the pain and understand why you keep throwing yourself into the fire.

Get in touch today, or keep an eye out for my new signature program,

A Good Enough Heart… Coming soon!